


3 AM

by oneawkwardfriend



Category: Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Other, Poems, sad poems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-17 12:24:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5869378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneawkwardfriend/pseuds/oneawkwardfriend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When I'm alone in bed, I pick at loose threads. Out comes words, ones I've never heard. When I'm alone at home, I hear the creatures in the walls roam. They tell me things, that I've never dreamed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Please Don't

Please don’t look at me

Without knowing the reason behind

Why I jump when people call my name

When they remind me of screams that used to haunt me

 

Please don’t talk to me

Without knowing that when

People usually do

They end up hating the words that run out

Like water down the drain

 

Please don’t ask about me

Without knowing that people

Don’t understand what isn’t there’s

And will make up stories

To make you think differently

 

Please don’t touch me

Without knowing the reason behind

Why my hand shakes

And my thigh quivers

 

Please don’t hold me

Without knowing that my

Body is a place

Where I can no longer

Hide

 

Please don’t care about me

Without knowing why my hand

Traces lines along my hips

With blunt nails and a broken

Dream

 

Please don’t love me

Without knowing that when

I’m alone

I stare in the mirror

And can barely love myself

 

Please don’t cry

Without knowing that this

Would never work out

Because I can’t give you something

When you thought

You could give me everything

 

Please don’t get mad

Without knowing that soon

There would be no me to love

Because I am broken

And I can barely hold on


	2. Temple

It was brought to my attention the other day that there is a thing called a body. I’ve heard that word used many times before to describe me. My body.

 

It’s amazing how many people only focus on your body. This thing that shows only the outside when there is so much more. This thing called my body.

 

From the moment we entered this world my body has been fighting against me. My lungs have become a place of ash, my stomach is overflowed with the food I once found good. My thighs are the only things that keep me standing. My body.

 

People look at me and they think, fat. Big. Giant. Words that can only describe how big my heart is. Those words are eating away at my insides, destroying the only body I’ll ever have. It’s ruining this thing I call home and keeping it prisoner at the same time. My mind is a jail cell I can never escape while my body is a temple where worship happens in all the wrong ways.

 

Too much fat here. Too much anxiety there. My body is a thing that I’m supposed to find comfort in but how can I find something that was never there in the first place., my mind double teams on me until I am nothing but bruised and broken.

 

My mind was once something I could count on but now only finds time to wreck everything in it’s path. It creeps up on me when I’m lying and bed and trying to forget. That tomorrow maybe I won’t survive, that today I barely made it, and yesterday I died.

 

I’m standing here, tired. I haven’t slept in three days and I almost didn’t get out of bed this morning. I begged not to get up but my body fought against me and won. I’m left in the corner crying while my mind speaks words. I cannot breathe anymore and I feel like I’m drowning.

 

So why is it I’m still here?


	3. Weekdays

Monday. I wake up, look outside, and decide I am done with the day. I peel the covers off of my shaking body and get ready for another day in a place where I can barely hold my ground. They ask me if I am okay, I tell them I’m fine. I give them a smile. It’s played out for weeks on end this way why can’t they just get the memo. I breathe, and suddenly, it feels like the smile isn’t fake anymore.

 

Tuesday. I wake up, and don’t put up a fight. I go to school to find people who can barely here me calling. I walk behind them like someone chasing a chance they didn’t take. They ask me if I am okay, I tell them I’m tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was to busy thinking about what was going to happen next, my anxiety made up stories of what they would do. I give them a smile. I lay in bed thinking of everything that went wrong, I let them know to much, they’ll never leave me alone. My breath comes in shaky.

Wednesday. I wake up, and realize there’s only two more days. I climb from my fortress and leave it for the harsh reality where I can’t escape with the ease of waking up. They ask me if I am okay. I tell them I’m good, I didn’t have nightmares because I didn’t sleep. Who knew it was so easy to escape your dreams with a few pills and a silent scream. They notice somethings up and they don’t leave me alone. It’s only right that now they have to go.

Thursday. I wake up, and finally realize I may have some hope. That tomorrow won’t be as bad as I thought it would be. That maybe, just maybe I could find something different in reality and be fine for one day. They ask me if I am okay. I tell them everything’s okay, that nothing happened and I didn’t do anything. They look at me oddly and I can tell it’s not good. They want to ask more but they no I can’t answer. My lungs are on fire.

Friday. I wake up, look outside, and decide I am done with the day. My legs are shaking as I step out of the house, my heart is beating faster than before. I can not breathe anymore. I’m screaming to go back home, why can’t they see I can’t do this. They don’t ask me if I am okay. I tell them I’m worried, my anxiety is screaming and my depression is crying. My heart is beating, I cannot breathe, I cannot see, I cannot hear. What happened to my smile. It disappeared back on Tuesday after I didn’t get any sleep. I can not wake up this time, I have to deal with the nightmares. I’m screaming and yet nobody hears.


End file.
